Comedy & Jokes All Around.

Funny Jokes For Car Enthusiasts

Below you’ll find 10 random jokes that are sure to knock your socks off.  We tried to keep these to simple one-liners but some longer ones were really just too good to leave off. 

Before starting with the funny one liners I wanted to share this hilarious YouTube video of an old women beating up on a mans Mercedes

What is the different between Audi’s and Porcupines?

… The pricks are in the inside of an Audi.


A man walks into an auto parts store and says “I need a gas cap for my Chevy”

…  I said, OK – Sounds like a fair trade to me.


What’s the smallest part of a Chevrolet?

… The owners brain.


A husband buys his wife a car for Christmas …

“I don’t like it” she says, “I want some what that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds.”

So he comes back with a set of bathroom scales and says “stand on that you fat fucker!”


What’s the difference between a blonde and a Ferrari?

.. You don’t lend the Ferrari out to your friends.


And we’ve saved the best for last.  This one is a bit of a read but we promise it will be worth it at the end! Thanks to Nick at for supplying this!

A cop pulls a car over for speeding.

Cop: “Sir, do you know you were doing 110 mph in a 90 zone?”

Driver: “ Yes! I’m Sorry, but that’s because I was racing another car and lost track of the speed.”

Since he did not see any car besides that, the cop asks – “Sir, have you been drinking?”

Driver: “A little bit of Whisky, but just because I needed something to take with the LSD I took at a party!”

Cop: “LSD? Sir, I need you to step out of the car! Is there anything else I need to know? Drugs, Firearms?”

Driver: “Sure! There is at least 5 pounds of cocaine in my glove department and an AK-47 under my seat! But please, don’t open the trunk, or the person I just kidnapped will scape!”

The cop, not believing in what he heard and a little afraid, called his superior!

At his arrival, the cop told the Sheriff all that. The Sheriff told he to wait by his car and goes to speak with the driver:

Sheriff: “Sir, my subordinate told me you have a kidnapped person in your trunk!”

Driver opens the trunk: “As you can see, there’s no one here, but my jack and spare tire”

Sheriff: “What about the AK under your seat?”

Driver pulling his seat forward: “There’s no such thing here, just an umbrella!!”

Sheriff: “I see! And the cocaine in your glove compartment”

Driver opens the glove compartment: “you must be kidding me! Only my registration’s there!”

Sheriff: “Have you been drinking or engaging in any kind of drugs?”

Driver: “Sir, I don’t smoke cigarettes, don’t even drink soda! I’ve been in my home all night with my mom and she’s the most fervently religious woman you never know! That cop over there must be kidding you! HE told you I was drunk, took drugs, was armed and a drug dealer, and had kidnapped someone? What else? That I was speeding too?”

Some of these car jokes taken from California Auto Insurance HQ – Oakland with permission.

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